I’m a complete nutcase about people reading my writing.

There. I admitted it.

I’m shy. I’m self-conscious. I’m a wreck at the thought of someone seeing words I’ve struggled and fought with for months.

My nervousness extends mostly to beta readers. Why? Because they are the first line of defense against horrible writing. They’re first in line who will read a story and tear it apart, so by the time you’re sending that story to agents/publishers/editors, it should be sparkly and clean.

I have two consistent betas. One, being my lovely wife. She can, and has, gladly given me criticism on things she felt were flat or didn’t work. She’s scribbled on countless pages in red pen. She’s a harsh critic and her input helps make my work stronger.

The other beta is Nyrae Dawn. We met several years ago when I was in the process of revising my first novel (Wow. Once upon a time, right?) We hit it off and are now good betas for each other, and great friends.

Now, I think I’m pretty good at getting crit. And I’ve gotten really harsh crit before. I brace myself for it, take a deep breath, and bunker down to try to fix the issues. My very first MS, I did this. I turned it from a 102,000-word monster (because at the time I thought longer = better!) to a tight, restructured, semi-decent novel around 72,000-words. All thanks to an agent’s feedback. It really stung, especially as I was a new writer, but she took the time to give me some detailed feedback and notes on my first chapters and that told me…she saw something there she liked enough to want to give me a push in the right direction.

Dear agents: sometimes the crit you give us is put to good use, and really, really helps. Thank you.

For the people who have five, six, or more crit partners? I don’t know how they do it. I’d be a crying mess on the floor if I attached my MS and sent it off to that many people at a time.

(Besides that, I’m really shy about asking anyone to beta for me. I jump up and down and clap like a dork when anyone offers.)

(Obviously, there’s something wrong in my head.)

I don’t think it’ll matter if I’ve published one book or twenty, it gets harder rather than easier because with every book I write and put out there, I expect of myself to have written something better than the last one. If I’m not improving, there’s something wrong, and I will not be happy.

And if writing stops making me happy, well, that would kind of suck, wouldn’t it?

There’s not really a point to this post, except maybe to say that even published authors still have this crippling fear sometimes. That their writing isn’t going to be strong enough. That their concept is cliche or dull. That their characters are unlikable or flat.

My biggest fear: Someone hating my characters, or thinking the story is boring.

Even looking at any of the not-so-great reviews of HUSHED, no one has ever saidthe storyline is boring. I take that as a measure of success. (See? Good things come out of less-than-stellar reviews!)

Do you guys, as readers, as writers, or even as bloggers, have a crippling fear when you put yourself out there for others to judge?

I AM (NOT) THE WALRUS by Ed Briant

 A quirky story about girls, love, and rock ‘n’ roll

As the singer and bass player for Lucky Twenty, a Beatles cover band, Toby wants to make it big. But Zach, Toby’s best friend and fellow band member, is convinced there’s a problem: Toby’s utter lack of mojo. How can he croon about love when he’s never even kissed a girl?

So begins Toby’s quest for cred as a lovestruck singer. But his quest derails when he finds a note inside his old bass guitar. Who is the true owner of the bass? And can a kiss really help Toby figure out who he is?

Dude. It’s a book about The Beatles! (Sort of.) This fact automatically sells me on reading pretty much anything. I read PLASTIC JESUS for that reason, along with THE LONELY HEARTS CLUB.

And, while reading THE INFECTS, there was a line about John Lennon. I re-read it ten times because, you know, John Lennon.

I also did a lot of squealing through SAVING JUNE because of all The Beatles/Paul McCartney references.

The book I’m working on right now also has a ton of mention of them. And Queen. The Beatles and Queen. You can’t go wrong.

Can you think of any other YA books you’ve read with references to The Beatles? Give me recs. I’ll love you forever.

This should be saved for tomorrow as WIP Wednesday, but I am not known for my patience. And because sometimes I write or edit a scene and think, I just really like this part.

Adam notices me even in my silence and lifts his head. He stands up quickly, shoving his hood back. His hair is messy, like he just rolled out of bed, and he says with the scratchiness of someone who’s been sitting in the cold too long, “Did you mean it?”

I swallow hard. “Mean what?”

“When you said you would miss me.”

God, I could punch his pretty face.

Instead, I close the distance between us and I hug him tighter than I’ve ever hugged anyone.

…but I can’t tell you what it is yet.

How’s that for getting your hopes up?

But it’s news. Awesome news.

Up for bid starting today is one of the LAST physical ARCs of HUSHED, signed by me! Plus, a query and 25-page critique!

I dislike drama.

Particularly internet drama.

Because in internet drama? There is rarely a winner. There is rarely someone who comes out as “right” even when they are right. Internet drama has a way of flaring and blowing up to the extremes because third and fourth and fifth parties feel the need to jump in and defend their side. Some people are simply drawn into the drama like moths to a flame. Some people simply see something they loved being attacked, and want to protect it.

The problem is…when you hear a story from someone who heard it from someone else, or when you’re an outsider looking in…it’s very easy to have the facts misconstrued.

Take a photograph and make a copy of it. Then, make a copy of that copy. Keep going, and see how quickly the details disintegrate.

I don’t want to go into details, because this? This is not me jumping in, but rather wanting to add my opinion as a whole. If everyone in the writing/reading community abides by one simple, easy rule, we’d all be a lot happier:

DON’T BE A JERK.

AUTHORS: STOP BEING JERKS.

Don’t lash out at your reviewers for leaving a less than stellar review. Those reviewers make or break your sales. Not just for your current book…but for every single book thereafter. I have several authors whose books I did not enjoy. However, the authors themselves are kind and gracious individuals, so I will gladly purchase future books and give them a try because I like them as people and I want to like their books. Whereas if I were to get a snitty reply from said author, you can bet I would blacklist them from ever getting my money again.

Kindness gets you somewhere, guys. Trust me. It does.

And I know those negative reviews hurt. Fuck, do they hurt. Especially when you realize it’s a case of the person not getting an important element of the story or characters. It’s hard not to comment to the review and say “hey, wait a second! Let me explain!” because that’s not how it works. You don’t get to explain how someone else interprets your novel. Nope. Not everyone is going to like it and we, as writers, need to put on our big-kid pants and deal with it.

(I left a kind thank you on a low review once, because despite being a low review, the reviewer was very, very articulate in explaining what it was she didn’t like, and it was an extremely well-written review. I thanked her for it. We talked back and forth. You know what? She thanked me for being so gracious about her comments, and I’ve quite possibly made a friend and future reader. All because I was—what, nice? Being a decent human being? No one should have to thank me for that!)

REVIEWERS: STOP BEING JERKS.

We authors get that reviewers and bloggers aren’t all going to love our books. Duh. Give an articulate, well thought out 1 or 2 star review, and we’re likely (if we aren’t being jerks ourselves—see above) to appreciate it for what it is, and move on with our lives. You didn’t like our book. That’s unfortunate. Now we’re going to move on.

Back to the statement I made above: DON’T BE A JERK.

Do not criticize us as people.

Do not treat us like we’re stupid.

Do not say our story somehow reflects on our upbringing, family life, marriage, sexual orientation, children, friends, pets, mental health, or anything that does not have to do with the story.

Frankly, it’s fucking rude and I hope to all that is holy you don’t do that to people in real life. You don’t know us (yet again: assuming we aren’t being jerks, right?) anymore than we know you. Don’t lash out to purposely hurt us for trying to do what all authors want to do: write a story people love.

Am I a sociopath because I write about serial killers? No.

Do I support unhealthy, abusive relationships because I write about them? God, no.

And to assume my readers are too stupid to understand what I write about is not glorified and ‘right’ is a huge insult both to me, and to my readers.

People (as a whole) are not idiots. They do not read a book and go out to mimic it anymore than I run around shooting zombies because of the video games I play or the television I watch. Yes, there are exceptions. There are people out there who glorify Edward and Bella as having this romantic relationship despite the fact that, frankly, it’s a pretty emotionally damaging relationship that no one should want to mimic. You know who else had an emotionally unhealthy relationship? Romeo and Juliet. I don’t see anyone saying teenagers shouldn’t read Shakespeare because of it.

Don’t treat people like they’re stupid when they don’t deserve it.

Authors have opinions, and because we’re authors we’re expected to keep our mouths shut and no longer be readers. This isn’t fair. We should be able to say something when we want to say something, and if that opinion isn’t hurting or attacking anyone, why can’t we?

Authors are humans, too. We have our feelings hurt. We cry when we see those mean reviews that attack us as people. We don’t understand why we have to sit silently and not be able to have a vote, have an opinion, without fear that reviewers are going to slam us with 1-star reviews claiming how they’re never ever going to read this piece of garbage just because we opened our mouths. We doubt ourselves. We worry.

We’ve worked so, so hard to get where we are and it’s not easy going into it with the knowledge that we will never be perfect enough for everyone.

To think that breaks my heart.

So I ask all of you—readers, authors, reviewers, bloggers alike…

DON’T BE A JERK.

I love this community and I love what I do. Don’t break my heart anymore.

Love each other.

Another snippet from JUMPER. Also one of my absolute favorite scenes, and the first time Vincent and Adam really connect.

 *

Adam’s brows draw tightly together. He has his blanket cocooned all around him, even hooded about his head. “People are always saying things like that.”

“Things like what?”

“Like…other people have it worse, so you should be grateful for what you have. Like that. It’s not fair.”

“But it’s true,” I point out. “Things could always be worse. We could be digging our dinner out of the dumpsters behind Safeway and hope the expiration dates don’t really mean anything. But instead, we’re here.” My gaze drifts back out over the water, which is black and eerie from here. “With full stomachs, central heat and air, warm showers and—”

“And sometimes none of that matters.” He hunches forward in such a way his hair and blanket obscure his face and I can’t see him. “It doesn’t mean anything unless you have people around who understand you. People who get that, sometimes, you’re just…really, really fucking sad and it’s for no reason at all. Then you get pissed off ’cause you realize you’re upset without a good reason, and you feel even worse.”

I open my mouth, but no words come out.

Because he’s right. I am sad. I’m sad a lot, for no reason at all. I’ve lost Maggie, sure, but even before then, I was so, so sad all the time and it drove her crazy. It drove Corey crazy, too. Maybe that’s why she doesn’t want to be my friend anymore.

A sting of tears catches me off-guard. I haven’t cried. Not over Maggie, not over losing the house or…anything. I curl in on myself and pull the blanket over my head. If I can’t see Adam, I don’t want him to see me, either. I don’t want him to see that I’m crying over being sad about being sad and not over the things that should really matter.

A few minutes pass before I feel Adam shifting closer. His side presses against mine. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles. “I didn’t mean to upset you.” 

“You didn’t upset me. I upset me.” Thinking I ought to move away from him and actually doing it are two different things. I stay right where I’m at. I can sort of feel the warmth of him through our blankets. “The last time I cried was a week before Maggie died. Over applesauce.”

“Applesauce?”

“I couldn’t get the jar open. It was just…a jar. A stupid jar. I couldn’t get it open, and I burst into tears. And now I can’t even cry for real reasons that real people cry over. Like someone dying.” The tears are coming freely now, soaking the bit of blanket I’m pressing my face into. This is the sort of thing I fought so hard to hide from Corey, because I did freak out on her once—and that was the beginning of the end for us.

I’ve never tried joining one of those weekly memes on books I’m reading, have received, or am waiting on, mainly because my reading habits are pretty sporadic and whatnot. But now and again I feel compelled to share what I have immediately in line to be read/am reading. Now is one of those times. ;)

KILL ME AGAIN by Leslie Rule
In her dreams, her life was not her own. Awake, the threat of danger was real. Everyone said tha she was crazy. But when Alexis dreamed of dying, she knew she had been killed before. And if it had happened once, it could happen again. From the author of Whispers From the Grave.

THE WEEPERS – THE OTHER LIFE by Susanne Winnacker
3 years, 1 month, 1 week and 6 days since I’d seen daylight. One-fifth of my life. 98,409,602 seconds since the heavy, steel door had fallen shut and sealed us off from the world.

Sherry has lived with her family in a sealed bunker since things went wrong up above. But when they run out of food, Sherry and her dad must venture outside. There they find a world of devastation, desolation…and the Weepers: savage, mutant killers.

When Sherry’s dad is snatched, she joins forces with gorgeous but troubled Joshua – an Avenger, determined to destroy the Weepers.

But can Sherry keep her family and Joshua safe, when his desire for vengeance threatens them all?

THE INFECTS by Sean Beaudoin
A feast for the brain, this gory and genuinely hilarious take on zombie culture simultaneously skewers, pays tribute to, and elevates the horror genre.

Seventeen-year-old Nero is stuck in the wilderness with a bunch of other juvenile delinquents on an “Inward Trek.” As if that weren’t bad enough, his counselors have turned into flesh-eating maniacs overnight and are now chowing down on his fellow miscreants. As in any classic monster flick worth its salted popcorn, plentiful carnage sends survivors rabbiting into the woods while the mindless horde of “infects” shambles, moans, and drools behind. Of course, these kids have seen zombie movies. They generate “Zombie Rules” almost as quickly as cheeky remarks, but attitude alone can’t keep the biters back. Serving up a cast of irreverent, slightly twisted characters, an unexpected villain, and an ending you won’t see coming, here is a savvy tale that that’s a delight to read — whether you’re a rabid zombie fan or freshly bitten — and an incisive commentary on the evil that lurks within each of us.

From now until Mother’s Day, the Pens for Paws auction is up and running and taking bids! This is a subject near and dear to my heart, so please, PLEASE head over and see if you want to bid on anything. There’s everything from photography, to signed books, ARCs, critiques from authors and agents, you name it! If you aren’t in a position to bid, helping spread the word via Tweeting or blogging would be AMAZING. :)

PENS FOR PAWS

Auctions will be posted in a staggering order so not everything is up at once, but for a full (LONG!) list of everything that will be available, look here. Whether you’re a reader, a writer, or neither, there are a ton of things generously donated for this cause. I’d love to see some of these items bring in some money!

I doubt anyone pays attention to the little word counter widgets on the left-hand side of my blog, but I (try to) update it daily with whatever new wordcount on my WIPs.

Last night, I hit the halfway mark on one of them. And still going strong. Maybe I won’t finish by mid-May like I’m hoping, but I’m getting there. I’m making progress, and that’s really what matters most. It’ll get there sooner rather than later.

Oh, Dan Rad, you adorable little man.

I’m reading BOY TOY by Barry Lyga. Talk about an intense, edgy book! I sat in my car before work, putting off going inside because I wanted to keep reading. That’s the mark of an awesome book.